Single Dad, for two weeks…

Vincenzia is, and will be  in Reading, London and Paris for next/past  two weeks. I have  suddenly been put on the spot as “single” dad, for the last 9 days, and will be for the next 7 days,  and I must admit I’ve been enjoying it, but I have also been missing the partnership that has defined our relationship and family unit over the course of 13 years.

I’m enjoying some “boyz”  time with my son, where where generally just do “the dirty jobs we like to”, climb on the roof and fix WiFi gear without Mom complaining,  and then going for a backside dump into the leather couches to  eat some biltong, endure a marathon series of “Brainiac”, and otherwise devour  “unhealthy” foods, play PS3  games, play bowls  and generally behave in “manly” fashion.

A single-dad/customer of mine told me that being a single parent is not that hard (his being single not by choice). I agree, from a basic logistic point of view that it is entirely do-able. But there are some serious emotional aspects  that I would just not be able to cope with, if I had to be a single, “entirely responsible for all welfare parent”.

Ruben and I are having a nice time, and all,  but we are seriously missing that “other” half that makes our lives complete. It’s the motherly touch. It’s the attention to detail. It’s the “being able to offload responsibility”  to someone other that just yourself, that simply makes being a complete family unit worthwhile.

It might sound basic, but I  miss the other half of me,  that half that makes sure that we eat decent food, the half that makes sure we don’t do stupid things and the half that makes sure we behave responsibly.

The other half of me that will philosophise over a glass of wine.  Ruben misses the mom that tucks him in (even though I generally do it, and she in turn lets me), and tends the sores, the day’s heartaches and the homework, and the things that “need doing”.

Our Daschies miss the invitational slap on the lap, and the coochie coochie coochie, and the attention that I cannot give ’em.

In the final analysis,  we’d be “OK” without our Mom/Partner/DaschieMinder if some zombies came and ate her brains, or if some absolutely unnatural disaster struck.  We’d “survive”. But honestly,  I can absolutely not fathom the idea of life without her. “OK” is just not “OK”. I cannot replace her.

It  would really, really, really suck. Actually, it would just be downright miserable.

All I can do right now  is to  wait for the next “major release” which is when she comes back on the 14th of Feb. I will be cheering with little flags and ditty’s on the airport apron as the flight lands.

Single Parenthood?

“Single parenthood” is a misnomer. Some people define themselves as “single parents” even thought there is a second parent. That does not necessarily imply  single parenthood. It’s divorcehood, and what it boils down to is contractual differences between two polarized parties.

Divorce or separation with children inevitably results in what I call a continual “merge window”  — and  feeble attempts to “svn up” and merge the “diffs”  of a child from two different sources. The result will always be substandard.  I reckon it’s an extremely difficult  thing for two parents and a child-in-the-middle to attempt to have a “HEAD” version of life…  Of course — it’s not UNdoable. It’s just very difficult.

“svn up -r divorce” is probably the worst thing you could do to the little human that you’ve (against his/her will) brought into this life. But sometimes these are the cards that are dealt, and sometimes this is the way relationships crumble. At least there is still some argument, and at least there is still (generally) two parents involved.

But, absolute, naked, true,  SINGLE parenting, is an absolute loneliness and responsibility that in my view is almost untenable, and takes  a super extraordinary person to deal with… I know a handful of these extraordinary people. People  that against all odds are the people that manage actual, proper, unadulterated, balanced, SINGLE  parenthood.

Here’s a pip to you. I’ve been going 10 days. I have an end, some love and a little flag in sight.

You don’t.

You are god-like.

Author: roelf on March 9, 2010
Category: Parenting
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1 response to “Single Dad, for two weeks…”
  1. Vincenzia says:

    I love you so much.

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